Forever
by Frini
Summary: Sirius pov of "Anywhere but here". RS. Post OotP. Song fic with Evanescence's "Forgive me".


This one is from Sirius point of view, and completes "Anywhere but here". Since Beta suggested this, and I had the time (which is a miracle) and inspiration, here it is. Beta, this is dedicated to you! The song is "Forgive me" also from Evanescence.

Also not edited, so please, be kind. OH, and they, unfortunately, aren't mine. I'm making no money out of Rowling's characters. She wrote them and I respect that!

Forever 

It didn't hurt. He actually felt no difference than when he was on the other side. He just stood there, looking at them as if by a window. He could see them: Harry screaming, but no sound reached his ears. He saw the boy running toward him but he couldn't understand why the hurry, why the panic in his eyes. Then _he_ came along and caught him, pulling him away from where Sirius stood.

_"He's gone"_ he saw Remus' lips say to Harry.

Cold washed over Sirius as he tried to cross back and tell them that that was not true, that, for once, Remus was wrong, but he couldn't. It was as if an invisible force kept him at a distance. Sirius screamed but they didn't listen. He screamed until he had hardly any voice left. Until all of them had left the room, carrying the Death Eaters out. Until Remus stood alone, his hazel eyes looking straight at him, but not seeing him.

Then silence and darkness was all there was and Sirius knew them enough to fear them. Twelve years alone in the dark and cold cell, with one thought haunting his mind: _he thinks I'm a traitor_. And now, the present was a perfect picture of the past. He stood alone again, in the dark, in the cold, with nothing but another thought: _he thinks I'm dead_.

Sirius played the scene in his head again. He had been defeated by his own blood, his own family, not that it mattered much to him. He should have known better than to taunt her, he should have known better than to say something that would make his Remus speak those words. _He's gone_. He's gone. Remus was gone because of something Sirius had said. He had been locked away while his friend, his match, his mate stood alone, yet again. How could he have done something like this? How could he allow her to separate them, again?

_Can you forgive me again?  
I don´t know what I said  
But I didn´t mean to hurt you_

_I heard the words come out  
I felt like I would die  
It hurt so much to hurt you_

After what it felt like ages, Sirius still waited. He stood in what it seemed to be a dark corridor but with no walls. The only thing defining the place around him was a light that shone down a pathway. He felt he should follow it but he couldn't. What if Remus came back? What if the barrier was lifted and he could come out? What if …

He sat down and waited, his eyes never shutting, his body never tiring. Sirius Black waited in the dark as his gray eyes searched the room on the other side of the veil, looking for the man who was going to get him out. But Remus didn't come just like he didn't go up to Azkaban. Sirius knew he couldn't have visitors, but he was sure he would have felt his presence, even in Death, he could feel if Remus was close by.

Then the door opened and Sirius stood up, moving so he could see who was coming inside. He knew it before he saw him. Remus looked tired. He looked hopeless, and that, more than anything that could ever happen to Sirius, broke him down. His werewolf came down the steps slowly and turned to face the dias. Sirius waved, he screamed, but Remus didn't seam to listen. He seemed to try though, but to no avail. His thin lips didn't move. His eyes were blank, his shoulders hung low, and his hair had more gray strands. This was what I did to him.

_Then you look at me  
You´re not shouting anymore  
You´re silently broken_

_I´d give anything now  
to kill those words for you_

Remus stepped up to the dias, his eyes found Sirius, but he didn't seam to realize that. They just stood there, facing each other, as if two sides of the same mirror. They were two sides of the same person. Sirius searched Remus' eyes and found himself in them. Remus was all the smiles, the love, all the whispered promises, all the late nights and early mornings, all the scents of chocolate and books, all the hopes and dreams they both shared. Remus represented the best part of him. He was all Sirius wanted and could never have, again. And yet, his eyes told him different.

_Each time I say something I regret I cry_

_I don´t want to lose you  
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah._

_´Cause you were made for me  
Somehow I´ll make you see  
How happy you make me_

Looking at those hazel eyes that always read his, Sirius came to realize what was about to happen. A part of him didn't want Remus to go through with it, wanted him to go on with his life, to find someone he could be happy with, but another one screamed the opposite. He couldn't live without him. Hell, he couldn't die without him, and he knew it was a selfish thing to wish, but he didn't care. So Sirius was a selfish man, he could deal with that, as long as Remus was there, beside him, to tell him otherwise.

_I can´t live this life  
Without you by my side  
I need you to survive_

_So stay with me  
You look in my eyes and I´m screaming inside that I´m sorry._

And one more step was taken and the barrier didn't separate them any longer. It was quite an effort when Sirius tried to get out, but Remus stepped into the darkness as if it didn't mean anything. But it meant so very much. He stumbled as he passed, but Sirius was quick and caught his hand, not letting him fall. He would never let him fall. He would never lose him again. As he led Remus toward the inviting light, leaving the window to the living behind them, their eyes finally met. It was as if they could really see each other, for the first time, all over again. Sirius felt Remus hand in his, he saw his smile, his eyes lighting up again, and he couldn't keep from laughing his usual bark like laugh. Forever waited for them, and he didn't care if that was a long time. With Remus by his side, he welcomed it.

_And you forgive me again  
You´re my one true friend  
And I never meant to hurt you_


End file.
